2009 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS LIVE BLOG

I'm watching the pre-show, and already, I'm a little confused as to what's up with Janet Jackson's tribute to her brother Michael. I was under the impression that this was the main selling point of the show, but Alica Keys was interviewed and asked what she thought of the tribute to which she said, "Oh, I thought it was secret, but I guess it's out now." Hmmm, did our pre-show host drop the ball? Later, he interviewed Jermaine Jackson (sorry, but I just can't get past that painted-on hairline, bruh) who was coy about the tribute saying, in other words, that IF Janet WAS to perform, she'll kick some ass.

I guess we'll see.

Beyonce is being interviewed. In mid-sentence, some guy walks in front of the camera and without missing a beat Sasha holds out her arm, says, "Excuse me," waves him out of the shot, and continues talking. Love that. Bey also gives props to Janet.

And then the show began.

9:00 - Madonna pays tribute to Michael, citing their similarities, and the tragedies and triumphs of his career. She looks great! Pete Wentz bows his head in prayer(?!) Pink smirks and looks down at her lap. Is she not feeling Michael? Madonna? She also says that we abandoned Michael. Herself included. I don't know where to put this.....

9:07 - Dancers hit the stage re-enacting MJ's "Thriller". There are five Michaels, each depicting him in various stages of his career. Other hits follow, including "Smooth Criminal".

9:10 - Michael & Janet's "Scream" starts. It's Janet! She busts some moves. She sings a little bit. She seems a bit stiff. This lasts all of one and a half minutes.

WHAT?!

Beyonce need not be worried. THIS WILL BE HER SHOW.

Host Russell Brand is onstage. He's screaming cockney in his "delicious trousers". I begin to worry that I'm missing the True Blood finale, which I gave up to watch this. I do the math. I've now decided that I'm going to bail and watch TB. I'll check back in with highlights.
Out.

9:23 - But wait, it's Best Female Video. Taylor Swift beats out Beyonce's Single Ladies!!! Kanye West interrupts Taylor's speech and screams, "YOU LIE!" Kidding. He really shouted, "I'm sorry, Taylor, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of ALL TIME!" Beyonce's song "Ego" pops into my head, and it won't leave. Thanks, Kanye. My god, the internet will not be the same tomorrow. I know this because I, myself, am not the same after that. And the MTV Awards show has been officially stolen. And as it turns out, Kanye has kicked all of our collective asses.

With that, I can't take anymore. I'm going. For real, this time. Be back in a few.

9:47 - Okay, I'm back, with just the highlights, at this point. Lady Gaga revisits Madonna's Vogue performance from the 1991 VMA show - sort of. The song is about the paparazzi. I don't see any cameras or mad car chases, but she seems pretty angry, and she and her dancers are performing some sort of spastic-tragic ballet. Oh, now I hear camera clicks. She's now hanging in effigy, with blood covering her face. Is this in reference to Lady Diana? Deep.

10:19 - Ne Yo and Chace Crawford present the "Hardest Working Woman In Show Business", Beyonce. It's SINGLE LADIES! She's looking thick and juicy in a sparkly floral body suit confection, doing what she does best, backed by a Vegas-inspired flurry of legs, hair and booty. Mission Accomplished. I can now further sate my hunger for decadence by tackling a plate of skrimps & pasta alfredo with spinach.

10:29 - Diddy ("what'd I say?") and Jamie Lynn Sigler announce the Best Male Video. The audience does NOT forgive Kanye West, and promptly boo at the mere mention of his name. T.I. wins, thus averting a riot, and depriving me of some much-needed drama.

10:34 - Russell Brand is back and shouting something about "buck-toothed perverts". Actor Gerard Butler introduces Muse. Time to knock off a few more of these skrimps. I'm really appreciating this tall glass of Tropicana Tropical Punch w/ice. No, that ain't no plug! And please, somebody get Tracy Morgan to host next year's show!

10:47 - JLO! JLO! J to-the-l-to-the-fuckin'-o! Announces the best Hip Hop Video. Emimen wins. He's really calm about it. Nice.

10:49 - Kid Cudi performs a tribute to DJ AM. All smooved out on the quirk tip. I'm digging it. But they cut to a commercial! I'ma go get me some more juice.

10:56 - Russell introduces my boy Tracy Morgan and Eminem to announce the Best New Artist. I'm now convinced that Tracy is the new Biz Markie. Lady Gaga wins. She accepts the award covered in red lace from head to toe (an extension of the bloody face motif, I guess), which seems to shoot up toward the sky in a reverse hell effect. Oh, I get it - hell is really in heaven!! Oh my. She dedicates her award to the gays. Well, who do you think designed the outfit?

11:01 - A VMA first: Pink sings and performs a whole song while swinging on a trapeze. Thrills and chills, y'all! Will she slip? Is there a safety net? Who cares! Color me impressed.

11:11 - Jimmy Fallon and Andy Samberg announce the Video of the Year. Kanye gets booed again. Beyonce deservedly wins. The camera flashes to Lady Gaga, who's face is now covered by a white bird's nest. Beyonce graciously calls Taylor Swift onstage to finish her acceptance speech, which had been hijacked by Kanye.

11:23 - Jay Z and Alicia Keys perform a love rap to NY with a Yankee Stadium backdrop. This and Beyonce's previous act of good will seem to pull the show back from falling into the vortex to hell. The song is beautiful. I smell a new anthem.

11:28 - Michael Jackson's promo clip for This Is It reminds us of a promise that will forever remain unfulfilled.

The show ends. In summation, this show delivered on its yearly promise to deliver the crazy. Yeah, I missed the True Blood, finale, but that's why On Demand was invented, right?

UPDATE: Word around the internets is that the whole Kanye/Swift/Beyonce debacle was staged. Whatever. It was good tv all the same.