Dear Trump: They're All Gonna Laugh at You!

Dear Trump,

I hope this will put to rest any doubts you might have about Obama’s academic record. I’ve attached a copy of a 1989 essay written by Prof. Lawrence H. Tribe of Harvard Law titled, “THE CURVATURE OF CONSTITUTIONAL SPACE: WHAT LAWYERS CAN LEARN FROM MODERN PHYSICS”. In it, he explains scientists’ understanding of the Relativity theory, the challenges of Quantum physics and “uses these paradigm shifts in physics to illustrate the need for a revised constitutional jurisprudence” (can you wrap you feeble mind around that one?). Oh, and guess who he thanks for their analytic and research assistance in the third paragraph??

Now please, let it go.


Sincerely,
The Blacks

Daisy Duke Manties!

If you are a straight man and possess a pair of these manties patterned after a pair of Daisy Dukes, perhaps you have a healthy sense of humor, or maybe you're just comfortable with your feminine side . If you have a drawer full and wear them faithfully, then you are most likely gay. Very gay. Maybe even beyond gay. You are new and improved gay, now with 33% more gay! You are over 3 rainbows gay. You are so gay that you give even the most flaming queen you know a complex. Your gay flames have the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. RuPaul's Drag Race rejected you because you were too gay. Your level of gay is unattainable. You have won Gay.

And there's nothing wrong with that, you crazy queen! You can find these and more super-sugary fashion abominations at If Style Could Kill.com

Playing Spades With President Obama

When it comes to President Obama, some people can really get it twisted. They'll say things like, "Oh, he ain't really that black", and "I wish he would he would just get tough and go ghetto on these motherfuckers". Or, "I'm so disappointed. He's weak and he always caves in to the opposition". But I'm here to tell you that our Prezzy is not a punk. He's a cerebral strategist which makes him the most formidable type of opponent, and he plays his hand much likes he's playing a cutthroat game of Spades. Do not make the mistake of sleeping on him when he's trump tight (more on the Trump the Hustler later), because he will "run it" and cut all of your fucking books while popping shit about busting your mama's ass and going to get a six-pack after doing so. Trust me when I say that although the man's an eloquent orator and a seemingly diplomatic player, he will fuck your shit up if need be. Strategically and verbally, that is. He wouldn't hold the highest office in the land if he couldn't. He is the most powerful man in the world, whether you choose to believe it or not, and don't think for a minute that he is not aware of this his every waking moment. But there is a line he must walk as a black man in a powerful position; an unspoken rule, and those of us who have worked in the corporate world know exactly what I'm talking about. That rule is, one must remain cool, calm and most importantly, don't get all LOUD, or "passionate". The conservative media (FOX News, Breitbart, Newsmax, et al) knows this, and have shamelessly choreographed a bizarre, nasty dance of portraying him as dispassionate leader while simultaneously calling him a "thug". They shoot poison-tipped arrows at him relentlessly and try to get under his skin. They want him to crack and show them that Black:


He came close here, when he was caught on an open mic discussing the details of the recent budget deal. He brushed it off, though.

But he deflects the arrows and insults effortlessly. And they cannot deal. This is unheard of. They (Rush "Piggy" Limbaugh) go after his wife and children (Glenn Beck). Their hatred of him is almost sexual-like in nature, and I think they secretly want to hate-fuck him. After all, they're always complaining that he's trying to cram his big, black socialist policies "down their throats".

But I know that he "gets it". And he knows just how to handle that ass. He knows that as a Formidably Cerebral Strategist With A Boston Straight (remember he plays Spades!), he must tap that ass correctly. He must analyze and count the cards and suits he's holding accordingly. During the game, he may even have to cut his own partner's books, but that may be because he is indeed trump tight. His partner might be a little perplexed at first, but if they are an astute player, they should pick up on it immediately and go with it. Relax. He's got this, and you're not going to end up back in the hole he's trying to get you out of. He's gonna make his books.


Obama to GOP: You got served


More on that later - now, let's get back to tapping that proverbial opposing ass on the mental. He knows that he's dealing with pearl-clutching pseudo-prudes with a probable hidden penchant for being dominated (I'm sorry for all the sexual connotations, but I really think they fit in this case). The conservative media seem to consider the POTUS as if he were the sort guy, like, you know, the kind your parents and friends don't approve of, you know, because of that color thing, but you're so curious about what it might be like to get with him 'cause he doesn't seem to be like those other ones, and besides he's really cute and smells nice and he's really smart and he talks all correct and all, and went to college but you didn't, so you feel insecure about that, but you asked him out on the down low anyway, and he said no, and so now he thinks he's better than you, and he thinks he's so elitist and he's stuck up and stuff and I'm gonna say that he asked me out and I turned him down and he wasn't born here anyway and my daddy says he talks down to people, and anyway, his mooslem people blew up the Twin Towers, whatever...........and he knows this, so he simply doesn't respond. Genius! And it sends them into a zombie-like state of self-righteous indignation! Do not attempt try and get them to engage in any reasonable or factual discourse. Their version of that is to gather together on panels on Fox News' pundit forums and fervently stroke and stoke each others mutual hatred and jealousy of him which is so intense, I hope to high heaven that they really do get some sort of "release". If so, and it's very likely that it is, then he gets to "tap" that ass without ever having to go near or touch it. A true mental fuck. And I know that he's enjoying this. Every. Fucking. Minute. Of it.


However, I don't think that the biggest protagonists in this saga, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck or Piggy Limbaugh, and more recently, Donald Trump, are necessarily motivated by the reasons I've mentioned (well, maybe Piggy, he seem freaky that way). In the case of Sarah Palin, I think it's just flat out jealousy. I don't think that she possesses neither the mental capacity nor sophistication to feel or think about anything more complex than that. Period. She thinks and speaks like a petty, vacuous, vicious, self-loathing high school cheerleader who lost the election for Most Popular. Relax, Sarah. You're not VP, but you actually were deemed most popular for awhile, at least until that crazy, back-stabbing, ex-BFF Michele Bachmann came into the picture (who she think she is???).


Recently, Glenn Beck was called on his bullshit by his own bosses at FOX and his show will end in December. But don't worry, he'll still be broadcasting on the radio, so if you still believe the sky is falling and Natalie from The Facts of Life is heading up the Islamic caliphate, tune in for your daily updates. Glenn will not disappoint.


I truly believe that Piggy Limbaugh, and I call him "Piggy" because he's just a nasty, vile, racist human being with zero redeeming qualities. And like most racists, his venom is based on fear, so I believe he's simply afraid of the President. Oh, and like Sarah, he's also jealous. Again, nothing too complex about this. This cowardly POS throws insults at the First Lady and her children. Now please bear with me while I get real here for a minute. I'm from the 'hood and I know that if the President was not in the position he is in, a motherfucker would get his teeth stomped out for calling out his wife and kids. Point blank. But Piggy knows this won't happen. He knows who to pick on and get away with it. He doesn't say things like this about Mike Tyson, okay?

Donald Trump, birther/huckster/hustler extraordinaire, who's been screeching to anybody who'll listen that he's got investigators looking into the president's birth records, is doing just that; hustling. He just wants you to look at him and say his name. He craves that shit. But scratch his surface and rub away the orange pancake makeup and you might find something interesting:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Yes, he actually said he has a good relationship with "the blacks" The fuck?

So with all of that said, I gotta tip my hat to this man. I know that I, myself, have learned quite a bit from him in terms of trying to hold it together and remain "cool" when people are popping some serious hateful shit about you. My first instinct is to fight, or at the very least, respond to my adversaries verbally. Especially when it seems like there may be a racial issue under the surface. But the lesson is, which battles are worth fighting? Are they really that deep? Smart thinking would be to let it fly and watch your opponents hang themselves. They almost always do. Play your hand, think strategically and play to win.

Life can be like a game of Spades.