ProPublica reports that there will be a mad dash for available applications for pardons at the Justice Department before Bushie leaves office. The word is that he's pretty stingy with approvals, so if you're currently serving bids for gang bangin', slangin' rock, or simply guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time (I know, I know, this happens to many, many, people), so please try not to inundate him with any useless requests. This is purely for people who have committed newsworthy crimes on a national level. Preferably high profile, federal white collar/celebrity or crooked politician type of shit, okey-doke? Cool. Now if you feel that you fit in either of those categories, fill out the proper petition and submit it to the Office of the Pardon Attorney. Oh, and you must wait a least five years from your release before you can apply. The article goes on to rate the chances of those who might apply, and among those who don't have a snowball's chance are (surprise!) three disgraced black sports figures:
Marion Jones
Barry Bonds
and from the You Should Have Seen This One Coming File, Michael Vick
But yeah, that's alright though, because in five years, y'all could take this up with Prez B.O. He might be down for some good lookin' out. Maybe. And how about those who have a good to excellent chance? Again, no surprises:
Scooter Libby
The Enron Boyz
Michael Milken
Ah, sweet justice.
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